President Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize: GOP demands to see the Nobel Committee's Birth Certificate

When the news broke earlier that sitting American (or is it Kenyan or Indonesian?) President Barack Obama was bequeathed with the Nobel Peace Prize, I naturally assumed that Rush Limbaugh's head would explode and the republican party would be stuck with a gargantuan body instead of a party head. Moreover, I instinctively knew that the blogosphere would be buzzing with more republican and conservative invective than democrat or liberal encomium.


Am I really that prescient or do Republicans really hate Barack Obama that much they would put breathing oxygen in abeyance in order to vituperatively criticize President Obama? Hmmmm....

"This fully exposes the illusion that is Barack Obama,"
said conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh . "And with this 'award' the elites of the world are urging Obama, THE MAN OF PEACE, to not do the surge in Afghanistan, not take action against Iran and its nuclear program and to basically continue his intentions to emasculate the United States... They love a weakened, neutered U.S and this is their way of promoting that concept. I think God has a great sense of humor, too."

Oh Rush, did you run out of Oxycontin refills again?

While us rational Americans have grown accustomed to the bile invective spewed daily from Mr. Limbaugh more effortlessly than potato chip crumbs, some republicans decided that Rush Limbaugh is just too understanding and flirted with invective of their very own.

Eric Erickson of the ever-so enlightening Red State.com had these encouraging words to say,"did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota." I believe Eric followed up by saying African Americans are America's dancingist rape folk while in black face.

Knee-jerk vitriol and racist commentary notwithstanding, the award is baffling some on the left as well.

Michael Mooore, for example, offered his congratulations but boldly declared action as well.

"Congratulations President Obama on the Nobel Peace Prize--Now earn it!" 'Freedom can not be delivered from the front seat of someone else's Humvee. You have to end our involvement in Afghanistan now. If you don't, you'll have no choice but to return the prize to Oslo.'

Indeed, Obama may have made lofty pronouncements such as closing Guantanamo, bringing the troops home from Iraq, want a nuclear weapon-free world, admitting to the Iranians that we overthrew their democratically-elected president in 1953, etc. But he has yet to follow through on those pronouncements with concrete action and, worse yet, is risking escalating a lost cause in Afghanistan by extending outstretched and vitiated troops in a purposeless battle.

Don't believe me, just click here to read about the growing numbers of troops suffering from PTSD.

I realize that President Obama is looking to make up for the fact that Afghanistan and the 'just war' was abandoned by the ruthless Bush Administration to pursue a petty vendetta in Iraq and make billions of dollars in no-bid contracts for their cronies, but 6 years have passed since troops were shifted away from that conflict and the situation has grown increasingly dire for our troops to win. After all, the primary objective for going into Afghanistan was to kill and capture Bin Laden and his key associates, disrupt their vast terror network, and prevent Afghanistan from becoming another hotbed for terrorism.

Has blowback and the situation in Iraq taught us anything?

We are not there to police a nation beset by tribalism and internal conflicts and expect to train a miserably incompetent army at the aegis of a corrupt government. Moreover, an army in which ultimately joins the Taleban anyway

Barack Obama winning the Noble peace prize--something that not even he expected--is certainly momentous and naturally is being lauded by the sane world. But is imperative that we do not allow ourselves to get stuck in the warm and fuzzy clouds of this achievement as we did immediately following the election of Barack Obama. We must ensure that President Obama does in fact earn this prestigious prize.

Megan Fox has an opinion on something so you must care

So the glycerined, tawdry, dog-shit for brains, vapid, one-dimensional flash in the pan tart takes a page inextricably ripped from the play book of the Anti-Obama morons and compares hackneyed director Michael Bay to Hitler. Apparently she was also mean to gaffers. Being in the field of entertainment, I am inclined to immediately support the unflagging efforts and sweat put in by Film and Tv crews...so my bias is transparent. I think its mostly due to the fact that celebrities are fucking morons who can neither read or write. But if there is an actor deserving an opprobrium from a crew, it's Christian Bale.

And I must say that comparing her intellect to rocks is a major affront to rocks.

I had the dubious honor of catching a glimpse of an utterly campy horror movie set to the Myspace era she's in that looks unequivocally craptastic. I know America simply cannot get enough of barely clothed, underage white girls, but there has got to be a statute of limitations on this one. The film is called Jennifer's Body, although it's safe to assume it's Megan's body you are watching. She thought she was going to be the next Angelina Jolie, but it looks like she's going to be the next Denise Richards. Pretty face with very little range, depth, and acting skill. I cannot wait for her next project--a leaked drug-and-booze soaked sex tape.

Military Privatization Gone Wild vol 2: Now with More Poop

Is Hillary Clinton Secretary of State or Paris Hilton? It looks like Just War Theory and the "Good Iraq" just got stripped and eaten potato chips on. According to Reuters, it seems the state department just allocated another $180 million to the private firm. Man, just think of all the prostitutes these morbidly obese, criminally retarded, gun-touting, incestuous demon spawn can get with that scratch. The deranged, bacchanalian behavior exhibited by members of the Afghan American Embassy security contractor ArmorGroup make the soldiers at Abu Grab look like war heroes.

(Defusing Roadside Improvised Bombs and keeping the Taliban at bay really causes a hankering for some beer drinking out of each others unwashed, soiled anuses)

Indeed, our national economy may still be mirred in a recession with the potential for a "double-dip", but the "who can act most retardedly and embarrassingly and illegally in a war zone” market is booming and growing each and every day.

Bod Dylan Stopped by Cops: Voice of yesterdays generation is barely reticent to today's generation

(Associated Press) Rock legend Bob Dylan was treated like a complete unknown by police in a New Jersey shore community when a resident called to report someone wandering around the neighborhood.

Dylan was in Long Branch, a not so glamorous area is you're a true denizen of the Joisey shore, on July 23 as part of a tour with Willie Nelson and John Mellencamp that was to play at a baseball stadium in nearby Lakewood.

A 24-year-old police officer apparently was unaware of who Dylan is and asked him for identification, Long Branch business administrator Howard Woolley said Friday.

"I don't think she was familiar with his entire
body of work," Woolley said.

The incident began at 5 p.m. when a resident said a man was wandering around a low-income, predominantly minority neighborhood several blocks from the oceanfront looking at houses.

The police officer drove up to Dylan, who was wearing a blue jacket, and asked him his name. According to Woolley, the following exchange ensued:

"What is your name, sir?" the officer asked.

"Bob Dylan," Dylan said.


Okay, when you see a confused looking white guy roaming aimlessly in that neck of the woods, he is either a waterfront developer or Bob Dylan. Being blithely unaware of the personification of spoken word and blues is one thing, but to not recognize his fucking voice is like bringing in James Earl Jones. Well, we don't educate our youth; we just prepare them for white-collar crime and a non-existent workforce.


What am I saying–the way Bob Dylan looks these days the coppers probably thought he was just some deranged drifter from Asbury, or just some leather purse with dilated pupils.

Cop says to Dylan: ‘Okay grandpa, we’ll take you to the Ocean Palace to see Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, and Norman Mailer staying at the Ocean Place Resort and Spa.'

If anything, this contretemps should produce a "Pot Summit" between Dylan and the officers.

Cluck U America! Cash for Cluckers

While state-run GM is successfully convincing America's socially backward, unread shittards that trading in their aging, antediluvian gaz-guzzlers for brand spanking new ones will spawn future growth (in debt collection that is), PETA--the naked Eva Mendes org--is capitalizing on the wildly popular government program with one of its own.

Cash for cluckers is aimed at helping the environment by convincing America to abstain from partaking in one of its favorite activities next to race baiting--filling their mammoth gullets with dead chicken carcass coated with that ever-so natural and organic high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oil batter. The idea is to get America's fattest and dumbest to abstain from supporting an industry that produces more greenhouse gasses than all the SUVs, cars, trucks, planes, and ships in the world combined...and that's just before it's digested!

The program offers a $1 rebate to non vegetarians who purchase vegetarian "chicken" products. Yeah! So after taking out a mortgage to pay for the vegan products, I get to spend another 44 cents to mail in my receipt and they give me a dollar for a whopping net gain of 54 cents ! This sounds vaguely familiar to some heartfelt but ultimatley futile program

"Driving a fuel-efficient car is a step in the right direction, but to be truly 'green,' it's best to adopt a vegetarian diet," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "We hope that 'Cash for Cluckers' provides the stimulus and the inspiration people need to make the switch to a healthy, humane, and Earth-friendly vegetarian diet."

Now that is something with which I can get on board, assuming they throw in a naked celebrity wrapped in soy and feature a dancing, cartoonish soy bean.

Fox cancels Family Guy Episode

In typical fashion, 20th Century Fox gave Seth MacFarlane the green light only to rip out the fuse last minute. Apparently a cartoon fetus has just as much right to live. After all, the Family Guy episode may offend the incredibly rational, thoughtful, caring, insightful Glen Beck Fox viewer

The repeal of the Fairness Doctrine proudly gave us Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck, but draws the line when it comes to a fictional cartoon.

(Dora the Explorer is an illegal alien lesbian looking to steal your jobs!!)

Please excuse my coarse language, but fuck the Cult of the child! The day parents in America monitor their children's TV/Internet viewing habits is the day I find the lost continent of Atlantis beneath my septic system. In brief, Political Correctness is a hall monitor on steroids that leaves no room for compromise and perpetuates an irrational, unthinking attitude towards anything under the sun, or should I say gaseous orange American.

New Rule: Not Everything in America Has to Make a Profit,writes Bill Maher

Editor's Note:

Here is a scintillating piece written by Bill Maher that brilliantly encapsulates he inherent evils in making decidedly noble things, like health care, unrecognizably ignoble by attaching the almighty dollar to them. Now I would love nothing more than to have a wonky policy discussion on some key problems with health care in this country, from too much overhead, litigation, and dollar spent per capita, but I firmly believe that citizens of a developed democratic country should have the fucking right to live--though right-wing nutbolts like Giuliani, who whore themselves out to the insurance companies, love to equate your right to breathe with your right to watch television. Hey, at least he has extended his political vocabulary beyond "9/11!, 9/11!, 9/11!"

Let it be known that I firmly believe in making medicine not-or-profit and returning the decision-making to the guys/gals who went to prominent medical schools, as opposed to people who went to school for two weeks at the University of Phoenix. ENJOY!

New Rule: Not Everything in America Has to Make a Profit

Bill Maher

How about this for a New Rule: Not everything in America has to make a profit. It used to be that there were some services and institutions so vital to our nation that they were exempt from market pressures. Some things we just didn't do for money.

The United States always defined capitalism, but it didn't used to define us. But now it's becoming all that we are. Did you know, for example, that there was a time when being called a "war profiteer" was a bad thing? But now our war zones are dominated by private contractors and mercenaries who work for corporations. There are more private contractors in Iraq than American troops, and we pay them generous salaries to do jobs the troops used to do for themselves ­-- like laundry. War is not supposed to turn a profit, but our wars have become boondoggles for weapons manufacturers and connected civilian contractors.

Prisons used to be a non-profit business, too. And for good reason --­ who the hell wants to own a prison? By definition you're going to have trouble with the tenants. But now prisons are big business. A company called the Corrections Corporation of America is on the New York Stock Exchange, which is convenient since that's where all the real crime is happening anyway. The CCA and similar corporations actually lobby Congress for stiffer sentencing laws so they can lock more people up and make more money. That's why America has the world;s largest prison population ­-- because actually rehabilitating people would have a negative impact on the bottom line.

Television news is another area that used to be roped off from the profit motive. When Walter Cronkite died last week, it was odd to see news anchor after news anchor talking about how much better the news coverage was back in Cronkite's day. I thought, "Gee, if only you were in a position to do something about it."

But maybe they aren't. Because unlike in Cronkite's day, today's news has to make a profit like all the other divisions in a media conglomerate. That's why it wasn't surprising to see the CBS Evening News broadcast live from the Staples Center for two nights this month, just in case Michael Jackson came back to life and sold Iran nuclear weapons. In Uncle Walter's time, the news division was a loss leader. Making money was the job of The Beverly Hillbillies. And now that we have reporters moving to Alaska to hang out with the Palin family, the news is The Beverly Hillbillies.

And finally, there's health care. It wasn't that long ago that when a kid broke his leg playing stickball, his parents took him to the local Catholic hospital, the nun put a thermometer in his mouth, the doctor slapped some plaster on his ankle and you were done. The bill was $1.50, plus you got to keep the thermometer.

But like everything else that's good and noble in life, some Wall Street wizard decided that hospitals could be big business, so now they're run by some bean counters in a corporate plaza in Charlotte. In the U.S. today, three giant for-profit conglomerates own close to 600 hospitals and other health care facilities. They're not hospitals anymore; they're Jiffy Lubes with bedpans. America's largest hospital chain, HCA, was founded by the family of Bill Frist, who perfectly represents the Republican attitude toward health care: it's not a right, it's a racket. The more people who get sick and need medicine, the higher their profit margins. Which is why they're always pushing the Jell-O.

Because medicine is now for-profit we have things like "recision," where insurance companies hire people to figure out ways to deny you coverage when you get sick, even though you've been paying into your plan for years.

When did the profit motive become the only reason to do anything? When did that become the new patriotism? Ask not what you could do for your country, ask what's in it for Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

If conservatives get to call universal health care "socialized medicine," I get to call private health care "soulless vampires making money off human pain." The problem with President Obama's health care plan isn't socialism, it's capitalism.

And if medicine is for profit, and war, and the news, and the penal system, my question is: what's wrong with firemen? Why don't they charge? They must be commies. Oh my God! That explains the red trucks!