Why I hate some (all) Vegans

Is it just me or are Vegans annoying, insufferable, sanctimonious, irrational, pretentious, humorless eco-zealots that tout the writings of deceased annoying, insufferable, sanctimonious, irrational, pretentious, humorless eco-zealots. I have never encountered one I didn't want to impale with a hyperdermic phalanx. Not only do some of their radical, loony, eco-terrorist actions compel me to eat baby cows, but they make me want to slaughter them as well. Moreover, I tend to think that if animals had the ability to reason, they would prefer to be devoured at a rodeo or whipped at a circus than have to endure a nanosecond of being in the company of Vegans. For my part, the majority of Vegans just strike me as angsty, rich white teenagers– upset and brooding in their domiciles– because daddy wouldn't let them go to a Radiohead concert.

In short, I have nothing but complete and utter contempt and disdain for their useless existences. Nothing screams rational political discourse and effective PR quite like t-shirts for children that feature rabbits with their eyes burned out. Even though I occasionally eat meat when its convenient to do so, I'm an educated, animal friendly environmentalist and agree wholeheartedly that the mass production and consumption of meat and meat by-products is destructive to both the environment and the national health (IE, high insurance premiums to treat heart disease and morbid obesity).

But venicen is just so god dam
mouth-watering

--Enter PETA

Okay, in the hopes of avoiding those pesky and embarrassing straw man and ad hominem fallacies, I will desperately attempt to voice my distaste for PETA without succumbing to such insipid epithets as "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals". I will readily admit that they do go work. I would probably have to pay a fee in order to view a naked Eva Mendes.

But seriously, since its inception PETA has indeed helped otherwise helpless animals escape the inexorable sad fate allotted to their non-moral standing status. But then they negate a thousand good deeds by being bat-shit crazy in their behaviour. For example, PETA most recently demonstrated that it has the heart of America's massive, thriving Ahimsa Jainist citizenry in mind when they protested President Obama going all Daniel LaRusso on a fly during a interview.

The ironic thing is that if it flew on Joe Biden, the fly would probably just
kill itself

How can we trust this man is truly for hope and change when he has the gall to so callously take away the wondrous and prosperous life of a fly as though it were, um, a fly?

So while I agree they have done SOME good work--albeit in the shittiest bedside manner imaginable-- their aggressive campaigns have put people off to their cause as opposed to attracted them.

But getting back to the primary targets of this diatribe...

Assuming I ever do overcome my intractable Omni-dilemma and assuage my seemingly innate penchant for red meat and chicken, I'm gong to call myself a herbivore. You know, kind of like how rational voters call themselves Libertarians.