Chris Christie To The Environment: ‘Screw You’

Despite countless public pronouncements claiming he has ‘no intentions’ of running for president, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie made a move that some consider to be that of a man looking to burnish his presidential bona fides and online backup.


Chris Christie has a reputation of being a straight-shooter and claims to be the “anti-politician” with his blunt talk. But Chris Christie might as well have been Mitt Romney when he decided to abandon the Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative – a 10-state program to limit greenhouse gases from power plants.

Running for governor in 2009, Chris Christie pledged to become “New Jersey’s No. 1 clean-energy advocate,” which one can only conclude was a more hollow promise than his ‘non-politician’ pledge to lower property taxes.

Is this guy Mitt Romney in a fat suit?

As governor, Christie cut all the money for the Office of Climate and Energy. Having even greater ambitions to compete with his one time buddy George W. Bush on destroying environmental safeguards and resume writer, he then proceeded to take $158 million from the clean energy fund, meant for alternative energy investments, and spent it on website builder. He also withdrew the state from an important lawsuit against electric utilities to reduce emissions, according to The New York Times.

Although those acts demonstrate a glaring disconnect between Campaign Christie and Governor Christie, New Jersey’s decider put the final nail in the Eco-friendly coffin when he abandoned the 10-state initiative in the Northeast. The Regional Greenhouse Gas Initiative is a far-reaching program that uses a cap-and-trade system to lower carbon-dioxide emissions from power plants. The program has been wildly successful and actually garnered bi-partisan support in Congress. But as with education and transportation, Christie knows best.


In pulling out of the initiative, Christie has acquiesced to the Tea Party’s complete and utter hatred of policies that resemble cap-and-trade and, in doing so, has shown he isn’t the independent-minded politician he claims to be.

It seems the system works by requiring utilities to either lower their emissions or buy allowances to pollute. Money from the allowances goes to states for clean-energy programs. Since its inception in 2008, it has created more than $700 million for these programs; New Jersey has spent some of its share on helping cities become more energy-efficient. Greenhouse emissions from power plants in the region went down about 12 percent from 2008 to 2010 for many reasons, including lower natural gas prices. Programs like the regional initiative are estimated to have produced more than 10 percent of that decline, according to The New York Times.

Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley (D), a man who’s no stranger to quarreling with Chris Christie, slammed Christie on his decision, saying in a statement, “I am disappointed in Governor Christie’s decision to withdraw from RGGI, and I reject his assertion that the initiative is ineffective in reducing greenhouse gases.”

“RGGI represents an important multi-state effort to address climate change at a time when consensus eludes Congress. … Governor Christie is simply wrong when he claims that these efforts are a failure.”

Christie may have fallen in line with the right-wing’s position on cap-and-trade nationally, but many states are preparing for a cap-and-trade program. So while the loss of New Jersey does deal a severe blow to the program, it most certainly isn’t on its deathbed.

The latest act in Christie’s “Do as I say, not as I do” governing style makes him a perfect match for today’s GOP and, better still, the missing piece to the GOP’s puzzle for the 2012 presidential race.

Happy Thanksitting Freemarketgiving!

I would like to thank the birds who bravely accommodated themselves to the fattening of our equator-like American waistbands, to commemorate how the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions synergized the esprit de corps of vertical food distribution.

Now joyously give thanks by prodigiously shoving a bird shoved up another bird's ass into your gullets!! But not too much that you’re too lackadaisical to trample over some unsuspecting American outside a Walmart, all in the spirit of furthering our international debt on the latest state of the art (soon to be obsolete) piece of cheap, imported crap!

Happy Thanksitting Freemarketgiving!

RNC forced to remove West Virginia Ad

The NRSC has been forced to pull an ad from the airwaves and Internets featuring a few hicks at a local diner talking about the Senate race in West Virginia. That the people behind the ad shot the ad in a local diner in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is most shocking. I mean, not being able to find hicks in West Virginia is like not being able to find queer bashers in Texas.



Here’s a breakdown of the casting call:

In brief, it is a sad day in America when today's GOP can't even feign being disingenuous. So very, very tragic indeed.

Wardrobe:


- We are going for a ‘Hicky’ Blue Collar look. These characters are from West Virginia so think coal miner/trucker looks


- Each character should bring a several options and stay away from all black or all white or thin stripes (thicker stripes and plaid are good)

- Clothing Suggestions:

• Jeans


• Work boots


• Flannel shirt


• Denim shirt


• Dickie’s type jacket with t-shirt underneath


• Down filled vest


• John Deer hats (not brand new, preferably beat up)


• Trucker hats (not brand new, preferably beat up)


• No Thin Stripes

Obviously only them fancy east coast elites can afford dem fancy-schmancy thin stripes. Moreover, whenever I see someone don thin stripes I instantly think he has a phd in Proustian studies.  but the criterion (IE, flannel shirt and denim jeans) gives the impression that they are seeking out lesbians, no?

Gallagher hates gays as much as he does writing material

Okay, so perhaps you're quietly ruminating to yourself: "why on earth is Michael writing about Gallagher?" "Is he still even alive and has he ever learned that only Marcel Marceau can dress like Marcel Marceau?"

(The one on the left doesn't talk yet manages to be more tolerable and funny)

Well, upon realizing that this ass hat is still mastering the brilliant comedic nuances of smashing watermelons and making millions doing--while Carlin, Hicks, and Giraldo are sadly dead-- made me take a second look at this taint in a beret.

According to the Seattle-based blog, Gallagher Is a Paranoid, Right-Wing, Watermelon-Smashing Maniac. 

Brace yourselves folks for some hard-hitting, incisive and comedic genius that makes the wry and sardonic satirical stylings of Steven Colbert look like Larry the Cable guy:

You have your hat backward," Gallagher sneers at a twentysomething man in the front row. "Are you a homosexual? Because it seems you have a problem figuring out the front from the back."  

It gets even more scintillating...

Hey, President Obama," he spits out the name like a mouthful of burning hair. "You ain't black. I don't care what you say—you're a latte. You're half whole-milk. It could be goat milk—you could be a terrorist!"

The only logical conclusion behind such sub-moronic bigotry is that in all of those years smashing watermelons, he must have bounced that sledge hammer against his head a couple million times.

click here for original post.

Disposed Domino's Employee Torches Dominos

Okay, so you are probably wondering what exactly it takes to push a peddler of a hot garbage wheels over the edge. Is it the powder blue uniform? Is it poisoning the lazy and idle American citizenry with enough additives and artificial ingredients that make Twinkies look like Vegan cupcakes? Is it having to believe that a hot garbage wheel of cheese is pizza? Or, for the more politically and socially conscious Dominos Employees--as there are simply so many--the fact that the owner and CEO of Dominos will gladly take homosexual and lesbian's money and yet be firmly anti-gay and even give money to anti-gay groups?

Well, it is not single on of those scenarios.



Jamal Thomas, 24, was fired from Domino's earlier this year after getting into a fight outside the store where he worked in the Bronx. It wasn't the fight that got him fired, however.  Rather, it was the fact that he left the store unlocked while employees were inside counting money, which is a "violation" of Domino's "security protocol."

Typically getting fired from Dominos causes one to suddenly take to the streets and dance and sing in a gleeful frenzy, but not this disgruntled Dominoer (word?). It is painfully obvious that such an action calls for setting a string of your former employers' franchises on fire and not taking legal action.

According to the FDNY:

Thomas decided to enact an elaborate, and maybe not particularly logical revenge. First, he began dressing up in his old uniform and visiting other stores, saying he was from a "secret Domino's unit that measured employee satisfaction." (Yes, Dominoes cares about voter satisfaction like Republicans care about the middle class) Then, he broke into two different Bronx locations—on August 22 and September 5—and set fires using "easily combustible items" like pizza boxes.

Um, "secret Domino's unit"? He makes it sound like there is a covert paramilitary group running armed with cinnastix.

On the plus side, by virtue of torching the restaurants Thomas actually made the crust crispy.

Glenn Beck launches his own news site

Crying, deranged loon and Chalkboard enthusiast Glenn Beck did some thinking--in his own unique way-and came to the conclusion that Fox News just simply isn't "Fair and Balanced" enough for him to lead his lizard people on million moron marches, so he launched a propaganda news network of his very own. The site, named The Blaze since apparently RavingParanoidNews.com and the Wackington Post were already taken, which evidently was put together in just two month and is being edited by Scott Baker, a former employee of equally insane douche Andrew Breitbart.

We want this to be a place where you can find breaking news, original reporting, insightful opinions and engaging videos about the stories that matter most,” Beck added. “The Blaze will be about current news — and more. It’s not just politics and policy. It’s looking for insight wherever we find it. We’ll examine our culture, deal with matters of faith and family, and we won’t be afraid of a history lesson.”-Glenn Beck

In other wards, the site will serve as an aggregate for modern-day Shakespeare Sarah Palin's incoherent tweets and Facebook updates as well as the occasional video clip of teabaggers screaming with a Pat Boone song playing in the background.

What does it mean to be Cynical

Your Mama is a Grizzly, but these women say 'NO'

Refudiatin' Modern-Day Skakespeare Sarah Palin decided that she is more than just a rabid pitbull in drag, she's also a Grizzly.



Indeed, she is a self-proclaimed "Mama Grizzly" who desires to "protect [her] cubs" from EVIL things like David Letterman, bloggers, liberals and lamestream media. That is all fine and well, but it seems as though not all Mama Grizzlies agree with the head Mama.


A new ad recently surfaced from the pro-choice PAC Emily's list that takes Palin's ridiculous meme and uses it against her. Terrifying though it may be, it seems that not all mothers agree with Palin and think that everything she says and does is perfectly in line with the modern American mother.

Sheryl Crow is one big Green jackass

The eco-friendly toilet paper zealot and sometimes singer Sheryl Crow is so deeply concerned about not upsetting Al Gore Mother Earth that she's completely alienating her concert promoters.


According to Crow’s rider, her tour party travels between gigs in two 45-foot buses (presumably bio-diesel), while her equipment is packed into two tractor-trailers. Indeed, the surefire way to eliminating a a major environmental footprint and combating global warming is hauling two gigantic tractor trailers across the great American landscape.

It seems that all "she wanna do" is have 100% recycled toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, reusable plates for catered food, and if there are disposable dishes on hand, they must be biodegradable. She wants all regular light bulbs exchanged for green ones, all food to be organic and everything—including the water—should be local.

A more sensible solution might be to commute from gig to gig on bike, but then that wouldn't be any fun for all of her devoted handlers.

Newt Gingrinch wants to tell you that he’s a Jack Ass.

Newt Gingrich was recently the target of a new Esquire piece in which his second wife (I lost track a while ago) spoke candidly about their 2000 divorce.



It seems that Gingrich finally admitted (everybody already knew) that he was having affair on his second wife amid going after evil chubby chaser President Bill Clinton’s penis during the impeachment hearings. Of course he was “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” while simultaneously touting the Republican party as the party of “family values”.


Here is a snippet of the interview with Marianne Gingrich. It seems Newt wanting her to accept her womanly role and tolerate his cheating:

He wanted to talk in person, he said.

“I said, ‘No, we need to talk now.’ “

He went quiet.

“There’s somebody else, isn’t there?”

She kind of guessed it, of course. Women usually do. But did she know the woman was in her apartment, eating off her plates, sleeping in her bed?

She called a minister they both trusted. He came over to the house the next day and worked with them the whole weekend, but Gingrich just kept saying she was a

Jaguar and all he wanted was a Chevrolet. ” ‘I can’t handle a Jaguar right now.’ He said that many times. ‘All I want is a Chevrolet.’ “

He asked her to just tolerate the affair, an offer she refused.

He’d just returned from Erie, Pennsylvania, where he’d given a speech full of high sentiments about compassion and family values.

The next night, they sat talking out on their back patio in Georgia. She said, “How do you give that speech and do what you’re doing?”

“It doesn’t matter what I do,” he answered. “People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter what I live.”

 

Apparently the car metaphor was apt when you consider how many times Newt has traded in for newer models.


Next time you catch Newt in a crashed up coup de ville you’ll know why.

First Lady living it up in Spain

Channeling her inner Sarah Palin,
First Lady Michelle Obama decided to play Sex in the City in Spain during a five day sojourn with Sasha and 40 of her closest friends

Obviously the best way to fight obesity in America is buying sleeveless (of course) dresses. Thus begging the question: why does Michelle Obama's arms hate America?

Many are criticizing the first lady for taking such a lavish trip amid a terrible recession and when she and the president lecture America on frugality. The bulk of the cost to taxpayers– $230,000 so far–for the first lady's vacation is for her security detail and the plane that flew her, her daughter and her 40 closest friends (all presumably with toned arms). 

 

[The taxpayer] will definitely be footing the bill for the First Lady’s 68-strong security detail, her personal staff – and the use of presidential jet Air Force Two….The American public will also cover the cost of the only official part of the holiday, a visit to the Spanish royal family on the island of Majorca.

It looks like Fatty Fatterson Jr. will just have to eat a box of wheat thins until First Lady Marie Antoinette Michelle Obama returns.  

Senator Vitter calls Rachel Maddow a dude

 

Diaper boy Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), the Republican Senator of Louisiana who made headlines a while back for his hot diaper sex fetish, who just can't seem to keep catch a break, is finding himself in more doo doo (good thing for the diaper) after jostling on a radio show about how Rachel Maddow looks like a dude based upon her High School yearbook photo. 

Okay, so perhaps her choice in eyeglasses make her look like Harry Potter or a mathemagician at a dorky kid's B-day party. But MSNBC is fairly certain that Rachel Maddow, much like her liberal counterpart Keith Olbermann, is a lady.

Here's the word-for-word transcript from David Vitter's appearance on the morning radio show:

 
MALE HOST: I wonder if Senator Vitter is ever going to post, like, maybe the video of the first time he was on the floor of the Senate. If I have to show the way I looked the first time I was on TV, you should do that too.

VITTER: We should go further back than that, how about high school yearbook?

MALE HOST: Oh yeah.

VITTER: De La Salle marching band.

MALE HOST: That'd be cool. Well you know, with Rachel Maddow they had that picture of her...

FEMALE HOST: Looking like a woman.

MALE HOST: Yeah it was really bizarre.

VITTER: [LAUGHS]: Must have been a long time ago.

ALL THREE: [HEAVY LAUGHTER]

 What better way to resurrect a fledgling re-election campaign by mocking your enemy's high school year book photo. I imagine the voters of Louisiana are much more concerned about a lesbian liberal commentator's high school features than their economic livelihoods following the BP rig disaster. 

Naturally, the Vitter campaign went into damage control, which is really the only type of control when you're working for David Vitter. 

Here's the apology letter released by the Vitter Campaign:

 

Dear Rachel,

Regarding my remark during a radio conversation today, I apologize.
The hosts made their comment and I obviously chimed in. While we do not usually agree on the issues, I do not think you deserved that comment.

Sincerely,
David

One can only assume that David realized that Rachel is a woman and can potentially let him defecate in a diaper at a mutually agreed upon price.

Mel Gibson's Passion of the N-Word

Occasional actor/director and full-time cartoonish lunatic Mel Gibson officially ended any chances of bringing us Passion of the Christ 2 after a philippic tirade was caught on audio tape, which includes such Hallmark gems as wishing that Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his infant daughter, be "raped by a pack of niggers" as well as screaming about her wearing "tight pants so you can see your fucking pussy."

 

"You're an embarrassment to me. You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."

"How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice."

"I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first ."

Oh Mel, every angry ex has been there before. But it's widely known that the arson/blow job invitation almost always should precede the irrational string of violent calumnies and racial slurs. That's not to say that Mel Gibson isn't the only person in Hollywood to use the N word, there are many known studio executives, directors, producers, actors who use the word willy-nilly. And we certainly cannot leave out all of those refined  rappers. But I'm fairly certain that none of these individuals have solidified their rants with the arson/blow job invitation. That's just tacky and in poor taste. 

Mad Mel's horrendous rant certainly displays a massive amount of rage and aggression, but considering that this was supposedly a private conversation harangue I hardly see why the world should be spared another misplaced Buddy Film. It seems that Talent Agency WME just dropped Mel over his liberal usage of the N-word. Nevermind the steady stream of feminist rhetoric he so eloquently shared with Oksana, as rich white guilt Hollywood Liberals would rather feign sensitivity and concern for race over misogyny. 

  The only good thing that can come from this is the hope that The NY Times runs this story and imagining its stuffy, uptight editors quibble ad nauseam over the proper usage of the word pussy.

Harry Reid's son ashamed of his own last name

 Senate majority Leader Harry Reid’s son, Rory--who looks like a dehydrated version of his father–is running for Governor in Nevada, only he doesn’t want anyone to know his last name. So apparently disgusted with his biological association with his daddy that he failed to include his last name in this ridiculous political ad, which is the first of many “Just call me Rory” ads.

Click link below for rest of story.

Harry Reid's son ashamed of his own last name

The fallout of General McChrystal’s Screw Up.

After unloading a steady stream of obscenities that would make Abbie Hoffman blush, the fallout of General Stanley McChrystal’s in depth interview in Rolling Stone Magazine (they’re famed for their knowledge of military brass) is echoing beyond the Pentagon and the White House. The brash General hasn’t much sang-froid and lacks the effete savior-faire that is a major part of the Obama Admin (his favorite movie is Talladega Night), but his vituperative words for the president with respects to the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan was very revealing.

Click link for more.

The fallout of General McChrystal’s Screw Up.

Facebook Growth has come to a halt.

From the unscrupulous kid who helped replace Myspace, which replaced Friend Finder, which replaced texting, which replaced email, which replaced talking with your mouth,Facebook’s CEO Mark Zuckerberg has acknowledged that the social network’s rapid growth has finally slowed. It seems that Zuckerberg was paying nearly as much attention to rival social network Twitter than invading Facebook users’ privacy. In fact, Zuckerberg was reportedly more threatened by Twitter than talking to members of the opposite sex.

For rest of story, click link below
Facebook Growth has come to a halt.

World Cup Sexy Fans

The whole world is boiling over with World Cup fever, but not so much the part that involves the a bunch of hairy dudes kicking around a white rounded leather balls. Sure, petty nationalism and random reminders that BP is still the root of all evil as long as Cheney is resting in his man safe deep beneath the earth's surface still hold significance. But in a sexually depraved, wardrobe malfunction oriented society where prurience and barely claded underage girls are the primary focus of our empty lives, it's always ladies nite at the world cup.

Obviously the harder the nipples of fans, the better the Argentinian soccer team plays.

I believe Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel wears these shorts at the Bundestag

So are really experiencing salacious soccer fandom or some cheap, sinister viral marketing campaign?

It seems that the row of blond bombshells shown above was actually a form of marketing known as "ambush marketing" by a Dutch Brewery. In fact, Fifa is considering legal action against the Dutch brewery it accuses of using women fans to advertise its beer at the World Cup.

"What seems to have happened is that there was a clear ambush marketing activity by a Dutch brewery company," said Fifa spokesman Nicholas Maingot.

My best guess is that Mr. Maingot has never actually watched a beer commercial or seen one of the gazillion of off-air advertisements before in his life. Based upon what the majority of viewers see, my understanding is that the actors in beer commercials and/or advertisements typically don't feature female Literature majors in pants suits discussing the decline of deconstructionism on college campuses. In other wards, the objectification of women in beer ads is about as mundane as the exploitation of children in commercials. It's as firmly ingrained in our psyche as the Five-Dollar Foot Long Bacon or White-Castle scented candles. So is legal action really necessary, MR. Buzz McKillington?

The sad life of Jon Edwards.

The sad life of Jon Edwards.

Michelle Bachman calls Obama the “Worst President Ever”

Michelle Bachman calls Obama the “Worst President Ever”

Caption the Snow whitetrash Queen

Tomorrow is memorial day, a hollow day in which we privileged Americans pay requiem to the generations of brave young men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice by shoving as many deep-fried double-down sandwiches, washing it down with a tub of Mountain Dew Code Red, and reflect digest deeply as we watch the obligatory Law & Order SVU marathon. Obviously, Sarah Palin has made the greatest sacrifices of all, and whoever says otherwise is nothing but an arugula-munching, book reading commie. Sarah should therefore be captioned befittingly.

 So show your deep admiration for one of America's greatest heroes since the White Castle scented candle and name that caption.