Corzine for Governor kicks off with Vice President Joe Biden

The primary election kick-off commenced with the customary formalities: hordes of supporters and their cheery children, smiling and dancing with unrestrained excitement about their ineligibility to vote; swaths of aging, broad-shouldered union workers donning more pins and buttons than a waitress at Fridays; devoted staffers and selfless volunteers; and all the movers and shakers, while only comprising a scintilla of the audience, could make one phone call and have the entire crowd bulldozed over and tax audited for the remainder of their adult lives.

Oh, but wait…event staff are hurling Corzine t-shirts into the stands. I nearly forgot that American-style electoral politics was akin to halftime at a NY Rangers game Evidently, shooting Joe Biden hair plugs proved too risky.

Enter Joe Biden--

Vice-President Joe Biden removed the swine-flu mask (unfortunately) and immediately began to address the very confined crowd with exuberance and vigor, beginning with the soaring economic crisis (IE, laissez-faire shitstorm)that has been ravaging the lives of New Jerseyians. With the gusto and working-class sensibilities for which the verbose Veep is famous, Joe Biden emphasized the importance of making a new economy and at the same time underscored the disastrous Republican policies that have plagued (poisoned and left for dead) the country for the last eight years. And to the skeptics and undecided needing compelling reasons and affirmative issues to cement their support for re-electing the incumbent governor Governor Corzine, Joe Biden had the following words…

“Jon Corzine is not just a Governor, he’s America’s Governor”

I’m guessing that means he drives a Hummer, eats freedom fries, loves NASCAR and hockey moms all while balancing the budget. The one fucking time where vice-president Joe Biden should’ve been loquacious and overly descriptive, he instead makes a terse, elementary bromide that makes little Governor Bobby Jindal look like Demosthenes. I kid, of course.

While I would’ve appreciated more decisive and descriptive rhetoric on how the Republican gubernatorial candidate Christopher Christie, whom happens to have one of the stupidest names since Dick Army, is majorly out of step with NJ voters; I.e., a woman's right to choose, gun control, tax issues, etc. However, I suppose it would be too premature considering that the event took place just as the outcome of the Republican primary was being decided. But as far as political theater goes, Vice-president Joe Biden was most certainly an A-list principal in a big budget production.

Corzine for Governor kicks off with Vice President Joe Biden

The primary election kick-off commenced with the customary formalities: hordes of supporters and their cheery children, smiling and dancing with unrestrained excitement about their ineligibility to vote; swaths of aging, broad-shouldered union workers donning more pins and buttons than a waitress at Fridays; devoted staffers and selfless volunteers; and all the movers and shakers, while only comprising a scintilla of the audience, could make one phone call and have the entire crowd bulldozed over and tax audited for the remainder of their adult lives.
Oh, but wait…event staff are hurling Corzine t-shirts into the stands. I nearly forgot that American-style electoral politics was akin to halftime at a NY Rangers game Evidently, shooting Joe Biden hair plugs proved too risky.


Enter Joe Biden--

Vice-President Joe Biden removed the swine-flu mask (unfortunately) and immediately began to address the very confined crowd with exuberance and vigor, beginning with the soaring economic crisis (IE, laissez-faire shitstorm)that has been ravaging the lives of New Jerseyians. With the gusto and working-class sensibilities for which the verbose Veep is famous, Joe Biden emphasized the importance of making a new economy and at the same time underscored the disastrous Republican policies that have plagued (poisoned and left for dead) the country for the last eight years. And to the skeptics and undecided needing compelling reasons and affirmative issues to cement their support for re-electing the incumbent governor
Governor Corzine, Joe Biden had the following words…

“Jon Corzine is not just a Governor, he’s
America’s Governor”

I’m guessing that means he drives a Hummer,
eats freedom fries, loves NASCAR and hockey moms all while balancing the budget. The one fucking time where vice-president Joe Biden should’ve been loquacious and overly descriptive, he instead makes a terse, elementary bromide that makes littlen Governor Booby Jindal look like Demosthenes. I kid, of course.

While I would’ve appreciated more decisive and descriptive rhetoric on how the Republican gubernatorial candidate Christopher Christie, whom happens to have one of the stupidest names since Dick Army, is majorly out of step with NJ voters; I.e., a woman's right to choose, gun control, tax issues, etc. However, I suppose it would be too premature considering that the event took place just as the outcome of the Republican primary was being decided.
But as far as political theater goes, Vice-president Joe Biden was most certainly an A-list principal in a big budget production.

North Korea seriously misunderstands Memorial Day

I woke up this memorial day to news abounding on North Korea’s provocative missile launch and I must say, could we please give North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il what he really wants: a Hollywood movie deal. It would be refreshing to see the pariah leader make a two-hour bomb as opposed to a short-range one. Maybe even convince Judd Apatow to produce and Seth Rogan to star in, Super Juche.

The international community condemned the missile launch. Well, Russia actually expressed concern. Really, concern? I believe you express concern when one falls down or bumps their head, not when a dictatorial leader launches a missile. There are some that construe the launch as a direct message to Washington, which has devoted much of its focus to dealing with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Last year, a lot of people from Seoul and Washington visited Pyongyang telling Kim and his people that once Obama was in the White House, the U.S. was going to be a totally different entity to deal with," said Lee Dong-bok, a senior associate in Seoul for the Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS). Adding,"but it's not working out that way. That's the reason North Korea is acting in such an erratic manner. "

("Just in case you forgot, I am still here and even a bigger dick than before. Now who is down for a round of strip missile launch?")

Michael Steele pulls back calling the Democratic Party the democratic socialist party.

Occasional politician and RNC spokesman by day and hip-hop legend by night, Michael Steele recently issued a memo opposing the renaming of the republican party because it would "accomplish little than to give the media and our opponents the opportunity to mischaracterize Republicans."

Mischaracterize the party of fiscally irresponsible, manichean, dogmatic, trollish authoritarian, jingoistic, war and fear mongering, bigoted bible thumping, socially and culturally backward, queer bashing, global warming denying, eco-anarchist, AK-47 touting Limbaughts?? We certainly wouldn't want to put a negative spin on that. Finding a pragmatic and sound solution to the massive global economic crisis invidiously sabotaging the economic well-being of every American through reasoned debate and consensus-building is, quite seemingly, out of the question. Who has the time for such frivilous matters when the republican sub-committee on a national security is still trying to reach a decision on whether Dijion mustard on burgers constitutes treason.

Earth to Earth Day

One Swine Day

The country was put into consternation over the weekend with reports of 40 instances of Swine Flu in America, with Mexico, the illness’s country of origin, reporting 149 deaths.

("Move over lettuce, peanuts, spinach, peppers, mad cows and slightly irritated cows, SARS and Paris Hilton, Monkey Pox, South American Beetles, and infected birds...there’s a new slippery slope de jure in town being convienenly airlifted to your dinner table.")

Swine flu is a respiratory disease, caused by influenza type A which infects pigs and listeners of Rush Limbaugh. It has hither/to not normally infected humans, but the latest form visibly does, and can be spread from person to person - probably through coughing and sneezing.

("Does that mean I gots to calls my health guy when I sneeze pork grinds")

Spread of this swine influenza A (H1N1) virus is thought to be happening in the same way that seasonal flu spreads. Flu viruses are spread mainly from person to person through coughing or sneezing of people with influenza. Sometimes people may become infected by touching something with flu viruses on it and then touching their mouth or nose. Much like the seasonal version of the flu, the "swine" version is readily manageable by getting an RX for Tamiflu and Relenza from your walking blue pad. Of course the drug must be administered early in order to be effective.

The flu is a mutagenic disease and therefore will always poise a threat prevented, so lets please stop the post 9/11 hysteria and think rationally about what is preventable. For example, government oversight and strict regulation of agri-business. For eight solid years the bush Administration severely weakened and diluted every single environmental and biological safeguard on the books in order to maximize corporate profits. In addition to altering a section of the Endangered Species Act to allow oil drilling and other infrastructure projects to move forward on federal lands without consulting biological habitat experts, allowing the Department of Labor to propose a rule that would weaken how the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) and the Mine Safety and Health Administration (MSHA) calculate on-the-job risk, the Bush Administration gave a bigger gift to biotech industry when they weakened oversight of genetically engineered crops. Hell, it’s a widely known fact that Bin laden devours Arugula lettuce and anyone who doesn’t red meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner supports terrorism.

And while the welfare of the public and maximization of optimal health is a fundamental touchstone of a robust democracy, it is even greater that Joe Blow practice preventive medicine. You cannot turn on the nightly news without being inudanated with commercials of Americans farting, belching, and bellowing

(But the talking picture box said that we can eat a burger the size of Jupiter only if we take Nexium so bring out the NASA-sized grille!!")

The very nature of those commercials is to superficially conceal the symptoms as your health deteriorates o as to maintain the pharmaceutical industries iron grip on the status quo of healthcare. Hey, it’s not like I don’t indulge in these otherwise deleterious activities on occasion, but I’m just saying that a lot of us do it blindly and think that it’s perfectly okay.

My exchange with Twentieth Century Fox

So last month I was told by the legal team at a new media site that my well-recieved contest entry was flagged due to copyrighted material. Basically, I used the charater images from Family guy to bring life to my voiceover impersonations. Well, after repeatedly being told to go fuck myself by pretend lawyers, I decided to reach out to the devil himself at Twentieth Century Fox. And let me just say that the devil is much more prompt and punctual then pretend lawyers, but I suppose that is just how pretend hell works. Anyway, I am including the freshly faxed letter I just received from one of Fox's minions.

Thank you for your request dated April 2, 2009 regarding licensing material from Twentieth Century Fox, a division of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation ("Fox"). Fox has reviewed your request and does not approve the use of any Fox copyrighted materials. Because this decision was made based upon internal, and thus confidential Fox policy, we are not at liberty to discuss the details of the decision. Please rest assured that your request was given serious and thoughtful consideration. Please fax any future requests to (310) 369-4647.

Thank you for your interest in licensing Fox material and good luck with your project.

Sincerely,
Andy Bandit

Now as someone who rather enjoys editing,allow me to me clean up some of those pesky typo-s.

Fuck You for your request dated April 2, 2009 regarding licensing material from Twentieth Century Fox, a division of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation ("The Second Death Star"). Fox has reviewed your request and does not approve the use of any Fox copyrighted materials, including Michael J. Fox and Matthew Fox. Because this decision was made based upon internal (a.k.a, a super computer with a laugh track), and thus confidential Fox policy, we are not at liberty to discuss the details of the decision. Please rest assured that your request was given serious and thoughtful consideration; in fact, it was given just as much thoughtful consideration as the writing for "Til Death". Please fax any future requests to (310) 369-4647. Fuck you for your interest in licensing Fox material and take your little insignificant project and shove it up your little insignificant ass.