What does it mean to be Cynical

Your Mama is a Grizzly, but these women say 'NO'

Refudiatin' Modern-Day Skakespeare Sarah Palin decided that she is more than just a rabid pitbull in drag, she's also a Grizzly.



Indeed, she is a self-proclaimed "Mama Grizzly" who desires to "protect [her] cubs" from EVIL things like David Letterman, bloggers, liberals and lamestream media. That is all fine and well, but it seems as though not all Mama Grizzlies agree with the head Mama.


A new ad recently surfaced from the pro-choice PAC Emily's list that takes Palin's ridiculous meme and uses it against her. Terrifying though it may be, it seems that not all mothers agree with Palin and think that everything she says and does is perfectly in line with the modern American mother.

Sheryl Crow is one big Green jackass

The eco-friendly toilet paper zealot and sometimes singer Sheryl Crow is so deeply concerned about not upsetting Al Gore Mother Earth that she's completely alienating her concert promoters.


According to Crow’s rider, her tour party travels between gigs in two 45-foot buses (presumably bio-diesel), while her equipment is packed into two tractor-trailers. Indeed, the surefire way to eliminating a a major environmental footprint and combating global warming is hauling two gigantic tractor trailers across the great American landscape.

It seems that all "she wanna do" is have 100% recycled toilet paper, paper towels, napkins, reusable plates for catered food, and if there are disposable dishes on hand, they must be biodegradable. She wants all regular light bulbs exchanged for green ones, all food to be organic and everything—including the water—should be local.

A more sensible solution might be to commute from gig to gig on bike, but then that wouldn't be any fun for all of her devoted handlers.

Newt Gingrinch wants to tell you that he’s a Jack Ass.

Newt Gingrich was recently the target of a new Esquire piece in which his second wife (I lost track a while ago) spoke candidly about their 2000 divorce.



It seems that Gingrich finally admitted (everybody already knew) that he was having affair on his second wife amid going after evil chubby chaser President Bill Clinton’s penis during the impeachment hearings. Of course he was “Hiking the Appalachian Trail” while simultaneously touting the Republican party as the party of “family values”.


Here is a snippet of the interview with Marianne Gingrich. It seems Newt wanting her to accept her womanly role and tolerate his cheating:

He wanted to talk in person, he said.

“I said, ‘No, we need to talk now.’ “

He went quiet.

“There’s somebody else, isn’t there?”

She kind of guessed it, of course. Women usually do. But did she know the woman was in her apartment, eating off her plates, sleeping in her bed?

She called a minister they both trusted. He came over to the house the next day and worked with them the whole weekend, but Gingrich just kept saying she was a

Jaguar and all he wanted was a Chevrolet. ” ‘I can’t handle a Jaguar right now.’ He said that many times. ‘All I want is a Chevrolet.’ “

He asked her to just tolerate the affair, an offer she refused.

He’d just returned from Erie, Pennsylvania, where he’d given a speech full of high sentiments about compassion and family values.

The next night, they sat talking out on their back patio in Georgia. She said, “How do you give that speech and do what you’re doing?”

“It doesn’t matter what I do,” he answered. “People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter what I live.”

 

Apparently the car metaphor was apt when you consider how many times Newt has traded in for newer models.


Next time you catch Newt in a crashed up coup de ville you’ll know why.

First Lady living it up in Spain

Channeling her inner Sarah Palin,
First Lady Michelle Obama decided to play Sex in the City in Spain during a five day sojourn with Sasha and 40 of her closest friends

Obviously the best way to fight obesity in America is buying sleeveless (of course) dresses. Thus begging the question: why does Michelle Obama's arms hate America?

Many are criticizing the first lady for taking such a lavish trip amid a terrible recession and when she and the president lecture America on frugality. The bulk of the cost to taxpayers– $230,000 so far–for the first lady's vacation is for her security detail and the plane that flew her, her daughter and her 40 closest friends (all presumably with toned arms). 

 

[The taxpayer] will definitely be footing the bill for the First Lady’s 68-strong security detail, her personal staff – and the use of presidential jet Air Force Two….The American public will also cover the cost of the only official part of the holiday, a visit to the Spanish royal family on the island of Majorca.

It looks like Fatty Fatterson Jr. will just have to eat a box of wheat thins until First Lady Marie Antoinette Michelle Obama returns.