The Stimulus Package and Republicans Hypocrisy

Despite stiff opposition (or is it opposition from stiffs) from Senate and House Republicans, the $787bn stimulus package passed and was just signed by President Obama (love writing that) earlier today. Now, the entire GOP vehemently opposed this package on grounds that it was loaded with unnecessary spending on pet projects, resulting in many changes to accommodate them. I will readily admit that there were some expensive and unnecessary spending provisions in the original bill. But I would be criminally insane to believe republicans posturing when they ordered vast amounts of spending on pork back in 2005.

With a little research and a lot of red bull, I was able to find some unrelated details on then House majority leader Tom Delay and his fellow Republicans history of diverting federal monies to ridiculous special projects in order to ensure re-election.

$25,000 to study Mariachi music in Nevada (To be fair, Mariachi is known to improve a golf swing.)

$1.5 million for an Alaskan bus stop with heated sidewalks and electronic signs(To pick up a guy and his caribou?)

$75,000 set aside for the Paper Industry International Hall of Fame in Appleton, Wisconsin( that's 75,000 dollars for something that ulitmtaely winds up in Dick Cheney's shredder.)

$100,000 for a film festival in Rochester, New York.(Since when does a Republican appropriate money for something of aesthetic value?)

$50 million for an indoor rainforest in Iowa.(I guess they figured "we already slashed the original one..." )

$18,000 for a smoking booth at a private New Jersey airport.(Okay, this one actually makes sense [insert smoker's cough].)

$200,000 for a peanut festival in Alabama(for all those herds of elephants in Alabama, perhaps?)

$200 million to build a bridge from Ketchikan, Alaska to a nearby island with 50 inhabitants better known as "the bridge to nowhere".(Apparently, constructing a bridge that connects RNC Headquarters to the Cayman Islands proved to be too costly.)

Obama Press Conference Answers Three Grade-Levels Higher Than Bush's First

Considering that the discourse of politicians, the coverage of the MSM, and the attention span of the public reach a combined level of an autistic puppy, I was enormously shocked to see that George Bush--a man who speaks like a drunk paraplegic walks on ice--scored at a 7th grade level on his first press conference and that Obama scored only three grades higher than him. Either this blogger's Word software was developed by Karl Rove or we are all seriously misunderestimating the man who cannot pronouce nuclear. Check out the results below taken from Mark Nickolas's blog at political base

(Obama's Results)

(Bush's Results)

The Wasilla Hillbillies

Posted on 01/18/2009

According to Gawker, a barely literate MySpace message was left regarding Sarah Palin snubbing the family of Levi Johnston, the burly, dewey-eyed simpleton who knocked up Bristol, because apparently they're "white trash." Pardon the cliche, but that is like the pot calling the kettle cheap, tawdry garbage.

The message was supposedly left by Mercede Johnston, Levi's 18-year-old sister, on the page of Mellissa Wilfong, a former Wasilla resident who now lives in Florida, to tell her about an upcoming trip to Orlando, according to Gawker.

I have seen Pollock paintings that were less chaotic than the grammatically bankrupt writing of Mercede, whom I’m guessing is best friends with Lexu. I swear the inhabitants of Wasilla are descendants of H.G Wells’s fictional Eloi.

Get dangerously drunk and read the message below

If you're abstaining from alcohol, then here is a translation courtesy of Gawker:

"Levi is in a bit of a haze right now... Umm, I'm not allowed to see my nephew and my mom isn't either. We aren't Palins so therefore we are white trash and Bristol doesn't want her baby around us. So mom and I are really upset over it. I just hope Levi pulls his head out of his butt and lets us see our nephew and her grandbaby."

Phelps Caught with pot: Scheduled to endorse Cheetos

800 billion surplus died in the Senate? Nope. Our newly anointed African American president assassinated? Not nearly as important. The horrific news that is sure to shock and terrify our nation's people for decades to come is the news that Michael Phelps, an Olympic hero, was caught hitting a bong or "cannabis pipe" as the ridiculously pc media called it. Big..fucking...deal! Now, if you were to tell me that he was found felching a twelve year old orphan with down syndrome, I still probably wouldn't give a shit; but I would at least be shocked if the media used 'Felch' in the headline.

(Looks more like a penis pump than the pot smokers all time favorite apparatus)

So the archetype for Ben Stiller's lovable character Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder has engaged in act in which 30 percent of college students aged 18-25 in the year 2008 have engaged in.

Our merciless laws and complete and utter irrational attitude toward the plant that provided us with the soundtrack to our weddings intimidated this sheepish star of the pool so much that he was forced to apologize in a manner befitting a Nazi war criminal.

"I'm 23 years old and despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again," said Phelps.

Well, according to NORML, nearly 47 percent of Americans have acted youthful at least once in their lifetime. And as Norman Kent, a Fort Lauderdale lawyer and board member of NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, scoffed: ``More people died last year from eating spinach than smoking pot.

Obviously, I am not positing that reckless and irresponsible usage of this ever-so magical plant (try it and you just might find god) isn't inherently possible; however, I am flat out saying that Michael Phelps, despite being regarded as some fucking Atlas with fins, is in fact a 23 year old and should be treated as such. Now can we please go back to the latest real celebrity with a meth addiction