In case you ever pondered to yourself how any respectable school of journalism or any institution of higher learning could bequeath a Fox News personality with a degree and how any employer with more than two brain cells could generously employ them, here's what you need to know.
To be a female Fox News talking head:
To be a current male Fox News talking head:
To be a classic male Fox News talking head:
Blond and leggy, ridiculously well-coiffed bored, contemptible Orange County housewife with teeth that are more bleached than your hair. Spout as many overly simplistic talking points as your paramecium sized brain can remember. Love small town America and hate Michelle Obama and her arms. Most important, be sure that you're wearing more make-up than a dancer at a GOP strip club fundraiser
To be a current male Fox News talking head:
Severely bi-polar, doom-prophesying, barely literate angry white guy full of painkillers. Have the emotional equivalent of a 13 year old teenage girl just grounded on Prom or the mental equivalent of a great big fat kid frying ants with a magnifying glass. Never listen to any of your non planted guests and be sure to let them know that they are Stalinist/Nazi/fascists.
To be a classic male Fox News talking head:
Stuffy, uncaring, greedy washed up wall street baron country club Republican from the 80s who was too absolutist moralist for coke. Treat the smallest efforts at regulation as a coup de' tat and never, NEVER mention that Bush was president during the financial meltdown and that perhaps his administration played a role.
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