The Official Unofficial transript of Bible Spice's Teabagger Convention Speech

First and foremost, it should probably be noted that a woman who cannot spell the word spell shouldn't be getting boat loads of Neiman Marcus cash. But I'm sure you already knew that. Oh wait, I forgot that one of the teabagers defining charateristics is that they cannot spell for shit.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

It's no National Secret that Obama is made out of silk.

My all time Fav

So this past weekend Sarah Palin took time out of her busy schedule of trying to convince rational America that she's not Karl Rove's sexbot invention and addressed throngs of her most ardent (only) supporters: a unwashed group of rugged individualists that are utterly ignorant to the hilarious sexual innuendo of their movement and even more ignorant to the underlying message of the original tea party, which I believe was 'no taxation WITHOUT representation' and not 'too much taxation with representation. I'm referring of course to the teabaggers, a untidy fringe group of disgruntled, middle to lower class white Americans that actually benefit from Obama's economic policies but yet seem to think he's Hitler or the joker or whatever criminally idiotic epithets they recently came up with.


While I cannot subject you to the actual transcript of the snow cunt's blithering babble, I decided to break it down for you in a digestable format by including a hillarious summary I picked up from the Immoral Minority blog. Some very funny stuff! I wonder if Sarah Palin had to look to her hand in order to remember the part where she slammed president Obama for using a teleprompter (republican hack talking point)?

Part One:

Hello America...Happy Birthday Ronald Reagan...hello C-Span...kiss teabagger ass...kiss more teabagger ass...slam the media..kiss new Senator Scott Brown's ass (yummy)...slam Pelosi..slam Rahm Emanuel...defend George Bush, give stupid advice to Democrats...kiss more yummy Scott Brown ass...liberal left = establishmt(?)...talks about her gubernatorial race...something about her ideas(?)...tea party movement don't need no stinking leaders....tells insulting teleprompter joke at Obama's expense (Must not have watched him kick a room full of GOP ass with no teleprompter help whatsoever!)...another big wet lip lock on the teabagger butts..

Part Two:

Blames Obama for Christmas day underwear bomber (I wonder who she blames for 9-11?)...repeats lie that reading Umar Abdulmutallab his Miranda rights made him stop cooperating (Somebody needs to channel surf away from Fox News once in awhile)...brings up her son Track and his possible death as a reason to NOT give Abdumutallab any rights...makes case that respecting Abdulmutallab's right to counsel "scares her" for her children (?)...brings back phrase "radical Islamic extremists". (Gee I had so hoped that with the Bush administration gone we had heard the last of that bullshit phrase!)...pisses on Obama's foreign policy decisions...blames administration for missile tests in South Korea (Didn't they do that when Bush was in office too?) and Israel's lack of confidence (Yeah NOW they know that if they attack Iran they may be on their own)...mixes up America and Alaska (THAT will show up on Countdown and the Daily Show next week....wants administration to change course...applauds decision to send more troops into Afghanistan...makes tired old claim that "democracies don't go to war with each other"(Oh yes they do)...quotes John F. Kennedy (who is right now spinning in his grave) to convince Obama not to blame country's problems on Bush...

Part Three:

Talks about when she rejected stimulus money in Alaska...then mentions that her own fellow Republicans overwrote her veto...makes fun of Joe Biden (I bet now he wishes he had kicked her fake tanned ass in that VP debate!)...Without a hint of irony she is dinging the Obama administration for its lack of transparency...now pretending like she understands economic issues..."sweetheart dills?" (When will this woman learn to say "deals? Sounds like she is talking about Valentine's Day pickles!)...unbelievably blames national debt on Obama administration...once again tries to make the point that problems could be solved like a family doing its budget...just tighten your belts...imbecile...again tries to blame the debt on Obama and calls it "generational theft" (Did this woman sleep through the Bush administration?)...Palin, "as the saying goes If you can't ride two horses at once, you shouldn't' be in the circus" (Well if she is looking for a circus she is certainly came to the right place. Just look at all of the clowns.)...Claims that her administration "put government back on the side of the people" (I was one of those people. Trust me, her government was NOT on my side!)

Part Four:

Says that "if government got out of the way" our economy would "roar back to life" (Didn't the Bush administration stay out of the way of big business? I don't remember a roaring economy then, do you?)...recites campaign slogan of an "all of the above approach to energy" (Which is a fancy way of saying "Let's just try everything, but let's give more money to oil and gas companies because they give big to republicans")...and let's relax those regulations for off shore drilling (Cleaning up devastating oil spills is a "job creator" too!)..."How can I help our country?" she asks (You may submit your suggestion in the comments section)...Oh "sit down and shut up", that was MY suggestion!..You don't need an office to make a difference. (Just plastic surgery, a bumpit, and a couple of segments on Fox News.)...Brings up the Constitution as best "road map" (I wonder if she is making a mental note to have Piper read her that document some day?)...Ooh teabaggers jump up when you say "Constitution"...jump little baggers, jump...."Enduring truths" have been passed down from Washington, to Reagan, to you. (Is it my imagination or did she skip a whole buttload of presidents there? Or are those the only ones the baggers recognize?)...Did she just refer to the teabagger movement as "young and fresh"? Is she not seeing the same middle age faces in the crowd that I am seeing?...Oops running out of topics, time to talk about the attacks on her children...Teabaggers go "Boo"...Teabaggers good, and kind, and selfless (Everything that Sarah Palin is not.)...Happy birthday Ronnie!Is talking about Reagan choking her up?...Surely that is an act for the crowd...You know i think we already live in a world where children with special needs are welcomed...and embraced...Do they think only Teabaggers love children?...Oop time to pander...combining Reagan with god is a guaranteed standing "O"... "This movement is about the people" (The people who buy my book, pay me $100,000 to speak here, and who give freely to SarahPAC.)...God bless you teapartiers...You simple, simple teapartiers.